Yeah, I know what you’re saying. I haven’t written anything in more than a year. That’s not entirely accurate, I suppose. I have been writing, but I just haven’t been writing here.
From April 2012 until the end of November, I was writing fairly regularly on a website called “The Hub Now.” It’s run by a friend out of New York, and it was a great way to keep my writing chops up. I would cover stuff like recaps of “Celebrity Apprentice” and NBC’s “Revolution” along with the occasional one-off story about something happening in pop culture… all written under a pen name.
Somewhere along the way, though, my motivation to continue just waned. It could’ve been the holidays, or it could have been the fact that everybody pretty much stopped writing on the site in the first week of December.
The truth is I’ve been sort of lost for the last year or so. I had pretty much lost my motivation to do just about everything I loved. I don’t like to say it was a full-bore depression, but there’s hardly any other way to describe it.
The inability to score a job interview but once every three months or so really began to grate at me, and I think I just became more and more resigned to the fact that I would just live a life of being Mr. Mom. There’s nothing wrong with that, by the way. Plenty of people do it. Michael Keaton even made a movie about it that nobody liked.
Still, even as successful as my wife is in her career, I feel way more comfortable being a two-earner family. It’s nice not having to worry whether that slice of pizza you had for lunch will bankrupt you. Perhaps less toppings is the answer. What’s less than “cheese?”
In actuality, though, I find that being lost and pondering my floundering career just fills me with a lot of secondary worry. Yeah, most of it is financial, but constant worry can really put a damper on living your life. It also results in random fits of uncontrollable crying. I’m man enough to admit that I’ve done that more than once in the past four months. I… uh… had something in my eye… repeatedly.
The thing about being lost is that eventually you can find yourself. I owe that almost entirely to the great support I receive from my family. They have stuck by me even when I had completely given up on my job search and living (figuratively). I went to the doctor and sought medical help, and I’ve been trying to slowly get back to the things that make me happy.
I began playing poker again, and I also began working on my pinball machine again. In fact, you’ll notice I imported a bunch of pinball restoration blog posts into this site. I owe a few updates. Actually, I owe quite a few updates on quite a few topics.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever work again, but I’m finding my way off the mysterious island. That black cloud I’ve been sitting in just isn’t healthy.